Antonio is open and friendly, so comfortable telling his story about coming to Cope, and how he feels about the work he’s done, that it just pours out. It’s only as he’s describing the divorce that brought him here that he pauses for a bit, and then speaks more slowly.
“My wife took Sergio and she left. I kept thinking, maybe she’ll come back. I didn’t want to do anything. I didn’t see my family, I didn’t get out and do stuff. I was depressed.”
Antonio says that a friend suggested he try Cope, but he ignored the idea. Sergio, his 8-year-old son, is what got Antonio through Cope’s door. One of his sisters paid him a visit. She said, “You can do what you want, but think about your son.” And that’s when he realized, “I need somebody to help me get through this. I’m going to do whatever it takes.”
Antonio says, “I used to be a macho man,” and he’s still not always comfortable expressing his emotions, but remembering his first visit to Cope, he says, “I wanted to cry. I didn’t, but I wanted to.”
He was greeted by Cope’s Resource Coordinator. His nickname for her is “Happy Face.” “She told me, ‘You’re in the right place,’” and she connected him with the Parent Education services at Cope.
He says of his Parent Educator, “She helped me a lot. I had better communication with my kid, I notice I’m more patient with myself, and I’m more patient with Sergio. But it was only four sessions. She told me, ‘Today is the last day,’ and I thought, ‘Why did she let me go? Right now is when I really need more help.’”
He asked for more parent education and enrolled in the Triple P® Family Transitions class, which incorporates group discussions for peer support. He says, “That’s when I really noticed the difference. I started learning from other parents how they were dealing with their situations. They made me think, ‘I’m not alone, I’m glad I’m here.”
The class helped Antonio through difficult conversations with his ex. He says, “Honestly, I try to avoid talking to her. I still have that pain, but I need to do it for my son.”
On the other hand, the way his ability to connect with Sergio has grown makes Antonio very happy: “I have my son and I don’t need anything else. Whenever he wants to talk with me, I’m just listening to him. I’m listening to him, and I’m here for him. I care about him, and I love him, and 100% he knows that. That’s huge--that’s HUGE.”
Antonio knows the next class he wants to take, but he has to wait until the new session starts. In the meantime, he’s dealing with the custody mediation process. Antonio has siblings in town, but he has a hard time telling them “the whole story,” as he says. “I don’t have their support.” When he’s feeling overwhelmed by the stress, he comes in to see Lalo Mendez, Cope’s Family Resource Center Coordinator. “He’s a very kind person, he cares about people. He takes the time to listen to me. That’s why I always say, ‘Cope is my family.’”
Cope’s family support services are made possible by funding provided by the County of Napa, Auction Napa Valley and support from the community.