Ashley's Leap of Faith
Ashley has an apparently limitless inner source of energy.
With three little kids, a new baby, and a teenage stepson at home, it is worth noting that she cites the women’s recovery group she’s leading at her church as her weekly dose of me-time, and not, say, a chance to nap. Her willingness to push herself, to take action, is what brought Ashley to where she is today. Her advice for struggling parents is to “utilize EVERY resource,” she says. In other words: push yourself to actively search until you find the help you need.
When Ashley found Cope Family Center four years ago, she was only a few months sober, pregnant with her third child, single, and new to Napa. “I didn’t know anyone,” she says.
She was leaning into her recovery. A DUI (she now refers to this as “a blessing in disguise”) led to a stint at in-patient rehab, and a decision to take a year off from work to focus on sobriety. She felt lucky to be able to afford it, but at the same time, she wondered, “How are we going to survive?” As a single mom with “a great job” who had “always worked, always been the provider,” Ashley was used to relying on herself to keep her household going. She had faith, and energy, but she also had moments of fear.
She remembers thinking, “I don’t know how this is going to work out.”
The key was to keep going, in spite of the fear. “I knew I had to stay busy,” says Ashley. She joined a recovery group at her church (the one she now leads). She had regular solo therapy sessions. She took her five-year-old to parent-child therapy. And she signed up with the Home Visitor program at Cope.
With all those other resources in play, what was she looking for at Cope? “I was not sure what I would get from the Cope experience,” Ashley admits.
She wasn’t sure, but she had faith. She kept going, she leaned in.
“Now, I look back and I’m truly grateful,” says Ashley. “Grateful to have the support, and the information.” Ashley understood that her unstable and difficult childhood hadn’t given her many chances to learn to parent. “I had no tools,” she says simply. Elizabeth, Ashley’s Family Support Specialist, could explain the children’s behavior, and offer solutions, by providing developmental context; just as often, Elizabeth could offer her own kindness and sense of humor when Ashley needed to share her concerns. And, Ashley says, “Elizabeth always reminds me to take care of myself.”
At the core of it, Cope's home visiting program offers Ashley and other struggling parents: a chance to take care of themselves so they can take better care of their kids. Learning those parenting tools, developing knowledge and confidence, all help Ashley take on the assorted daily challenges she faces. And of course there are always challenges. She has Zach (9), Maya (6), and Faith, the baby born after she started at Cope, now three. She also got married a little more than a year ago, so she has teen and young adult stepchildren as part of her blended brood. And, two months ago, she and her husband added newborn Dominic.
Like all other parents these days, Ashley is dealing with COVID restrictions, childcare and distance learning, plus coparenting and maternity leave. It’s a list that could be overwhelming, but Ashley takes it on with her characteristic energy, even while she acknowledges the occasional family frustrations. “My pastor reminds me, ‘We’re fighting to understand, not fighting to win,’” she notes wryly.
Even in those moments of struggle, though, Ashley has come to rely on the toolbox she built at Cope. The progress she’s made, to sobriety and towards the mom she wants to be, can feel like “a miracle,” she says. She believes in looking back, to acknowledge how far she’s come, and also in looking forward, with her characteristic positive energy.
As Ashley’s life has stabilized, she has found ways to help other moms struggling with similar circumstances, through volunteering her time as a recovery support and on a Cope Community Advisory Board. Her efforts were recognized this year with a 2020 Parent Leadership Award from the California Office of Child Abuse Prevention. Recently, she was pleased to add another form of outreach, by joining the Support Squad, Cope’s monthly giving club, because “the program means so much to me. I get to be a strong foundation. I get to be a support, and speak with love and truth. I’m able to give back--to my kids, and to other women.”
