letter from eric notson: thank you cope family center
In honor of Positive Parenting Awareness Month, I want to share my story about how Cope Family Center’s parenting classes have helped transform my relationship with my daughter. Ten years ago, I was divorced and battling addiction, and I struggled to be present and committed in my daughter’s life. In fact, there were long periods when I wasn’t in contact with my daughter at all.
In moments of sobriety, I was determined to do things differently, and I thought I could get clean and be a good dad. For a while I was able to spend time with my daughter under supervised visitation at Cope Family Center, but the pull of drugs remained strong. While I kept trying to get sober, I continued to relapse. Eventually I lost all custody, and it seemed impossible to overcome my addiction and have the relationship I wanted with my daughter.
Then, on October 3, 2018, I was arrested. It was the best thing that ever happened to me. I was sitting in jail, and for the first time in a long time, I started to think that maybe I could make the changes needed to have a relationship with my daughter.
I was five months clean when I reached out to my daughter’s mother. I hoped to rebuild a relationship with our daughter, but because I had been absent from her life for so long due to addiction, I knew it would be difficult. After a long legal battle, the court upheld my parental rights. They outlined the steps I would need to take before I would be allowed to talk to my daughter, who was 9 at the time, including taking parenting classes.
I enrolled in Cope’s classes for parents of Teens and Tweens, and I was so grateful to be welcomed back without judgement. After being absent from her life for so long, I felt lost as to how to parent my daughter and rebuild our relationship. In the class, which follows the Triple P – Positive Parenting curriculum, I learned about her development as a pre-teen and the type of behaviors and changes I could expect as she approached her teen years.
When the 10-week course ended, I enrolled in the Family Transitions course for parents navigating co-parenting, which also uses the Triple P curriculum. I learned to communicate differently: I was given tools to talk to my daughter’s mom openly and to consider her point of view. When we experience conflicts, rather than responding in anger, I use the tools I’ve learned to stay calm and resolve disagreements. Learning positive ways of co-parenting has reduced a lot of stress for both of us.
In November 2021, I talked to my daughter for the first time in over 8 years, and it wasn’t easy. The call lasted 44 seconds, and she told me she didn’t want anything to do with me. But over time, our weekly calls have gotten a little bit longer. We now Facetime once a week.
The tools I learned at Cope work. They have helped me build a relationship with my daughter, and her mother and I are now finding our way as co-parents. I would urge any Napa Valley parent who is struggling to reach out to Cope Family Center for support. Positive parenting courses and other services are available to help you get through challenging times.